The Beach Boys: Smiley Smile - 1967

I have listened to this album over and over again, albeit periodically, over a period of 50 years, trying in vain to get its "genius". 

Each time I feel compelled to give it another go, and I do, listening to it in full, so this is not a simple rant from someone who doesn't like The Beach Boys. It is genuine criticism from someone who loves 85% of The Beach Boys' output. The two clear quality tracks aside, I believe this to be the drug-addled, close to cracking doodles of one man and his nonplussed bandmates who just took some more drugs, drank a little more and went along with it for the ride. I simply refuse to accept that this is a work of genius, as so many people do. 

Let's look at the album's many offenders - the wonderful Heroes And Villains and Good Vibrations apart, (unsurprisingly), the rest of it sounds like The Goons have joined the band in the studio...

Vegetables - Instrumentally quite appealing, but otherwise two minutes' of inane, puerile lyrics about vegetables, accompanied by crunching vegetables as a replacement for percussion. Oh yes, very clever. I could have done that at primary school. 

Fall Breaks And Back To Winter (Woody Woodpecker Symphony) - Supposedly reminiscent of Tchaikovsky. Oh yeah? Two minutes of classically influenced music and a slight air of the Woody Woodpecker theme every now and again. Lord give me strength. 

She's Going Bald - The album's nadir. Utter tripe. Bizarre lyrics abut a woman's hair falling out, and then some maniacal laughter followed by Goon-style noises. "Ying-Tong Tiddle-eye Po" indeed. Amongst all the penchant for influence and counter-influence in 1965-67 has nobody acknowledged The Goons' undoubted influence on this meisterwerk? - that was my little "joke" to go along with all the hilarity this album is supposedly chock-full of...

Little Pad - A complete shocker of a song about getting a flat-apartment. Noisy and goofy. Makes the worst of those surf-car songs sound like A Day In The Life. 

With Me Tonight - At last a bit of potential, somewhere. Just. Irritatingly "barbershop" though, but a song in there. Just when it becomes moderately enjoyable - it ends. Sums up this "non-album" in so many ways…

Wind Chimes - Nonsense about wind chimes tinkling outside his window. Honestly, I could have written that. 

Gettin' Hungry - The best of the dross. An actual song at least. It would still be the worst cut on a decent album. 

Wonderful - Similar feelings about this one to With Me Tonight. A reasonable song foundation fades out into a passage of bizarre nonsense. Then the song returns but by then he has totally lost me. 

Whistle In - Not even worth bothering about really. A minute or so of musical doodling. Consider that the man who conceived this half-baked dross gave us Don't Worry Baby, God Only Knows, Wouldn't It Be Nice, Caroline, No and Good Vibrations and one finds oneself in the realms of the totally incomprehensible. 

The albums that followed are vast improvements. Wild Honey is nowhere near as bad as many would have us believe. Ditto Friends, Sunflower, Surf's Up and Holland. 

As I write I am listening to tracks from Smiley Smile interspersed with ones from Sunflower. The difference is night and day - not even worthy of comparison. Sorry everyone - It's not you. It's me. Must be. Everyone seems to rate this fucking tosh. The Smile Sessions are even worse. What was it about 1966-68 - everyone seemed to think they had to release some "experimental" or "minimalist" crap. If it was not stuff like George Harrison's Piggies, The Beatles' Revolution 9, Dylan's Rainy Day Women, The Rolling Stones' On With The Show, Traffic's House For Everyone, The Beatles' Why Don't We Do It In The Road and Wild Honey Pie it was throwaway songs like Rocky Racoon, Yellow Submarine and Gomper. They were all at it. 

However, nothing tops The Beach Boys for this miserable offering. Wind chimes tinkling, vegetables, women going bald, getting a little pad. Give us a break guys. I'll just about accept Gettin' Hungry in a "possibly something about it demo" sort of way. Just about, and that's pushing it. Come on, it is no work of genius. It's drivel. No more. No less. Time to put Blonde On Blonde on…..

Secondary, 7 of 8

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